“Be a Better Imposter”

Events

Apr 22

Published on: April 22, 2021
Linet, Brenda, Queen Victoria, Estaphanie, and Lena

Recording of UBP & Tamarindo's "Be a Better Imposter" panel event, from 4/22/21. Full transcript below. Unfortunately, the earlier part of the panel got cut off, but we’re happy to bring you this piece of it.

Check out our Fighting Back Against Imposter Syndrome Resource page from the event.

Full Transcript

Lena: [00:00:00] To do this career, but there's so many barriers, not only cost but then once you get there, the culture, the attitude, how people treat you, what they value, it keeps people out and it's not fair because it really does take opportunities away from people in our community who are more than capable of doing this work and excelling at so many things.

Brenda: [00:00:19] Thank you. Thank you. Yes, very much appreciated the mention of the GI bill, because if you think about the opportunities that that generation had to be able to have a house, what that translates to many generations later, it's just amazing. Okay. I'm going to go back to Stephanie. I want to know, do you think it's helpful for us to be recognizing these privileges? Does it help ease the burden a little bit about imposter syndrome, knowing that the colleagues around us might have these advantages that are not a reflection of our talent?

Estephanie: [00:00:54] Yeah. I definitely think it's important to keep that in mind because I think sometimes when you're dealing with imposter syndrome, you tend to overwork and as we all know, jobs never want to pay you overtime. So you are doing so much work that you don't even have to do. Right. And you're always questioning like, “Oh my God, am I good at this? Am I not? They're not vibing the same way? I don't really know.” And it's because the system was always meant to question you. So it's a good reminder to always tell yourself, “Oh no, no, no, people are funny here. It's funny here. It's funny.” And it's also important that when you have the chance to have those conversations in your workspace, but it's not your job to then create the space for them to believe that you know what you're doing, they hire you because they knew what you were doing.

Like how many times we have managers that - you could be a better manager than them. So it's not your job to do that, it is their job to be like, “Hmm, I should believe in people's work.” I should believe that the folks who are hired are smart and I can do these things. It is their job to do that. And so.

Brenda: [00:01:57] Yeah. Yeah. And what you're sharing reminds me a little bit, I referenced the likeability trap in this book by Elisa Menendez. And she examined that some of the feedback that women typically get is not based on their performance. It's these warm and fuzzy things like your attitude instead of measurable results. Okay. Did I meet my sales goals? So you're kind of illuminating a little bit of that there. Lena, can you tell me about a time in which you experienced imposter syndrome? And, and if you can tell me if you did something about it, or if you didn't. What would you have liked to have happen?

Lena: [00:02:34] So I, I was thinking about this and I think one experience that really stood out to me when I was thinking about this was an experience that I had in law school. And in law school, the law school that I went to there was this kind of attitude that if you wanted to do an extracurricular, to beef up your resume, Black students, students of color would do trial team.

Because it's, it's more about the performance and evoking emotions. And there were Black kids and Latinx and People of Color are good at that. And then white students would do moot court because it was more intellectual and it was more about legal analysis and they were saying, and they would say that that's what white students are good at.

It's just, we can't explain it. It's just how it is. And so when I was getting a chance to. Pick an activity. I was like, “actually, I think I am interested in moot court just because of the way that it works. And I'm interested in that legal analysis and getting onto the team.” I was one of two they were like, “this is the most Black people we've ever had.”

We had three Black people on the team of 12. And I noticed from the get-go that my peers, my white peers treated me differently. They wouldn't include me in emails. They wouldn't include me at meetings. All of a sudden, there was never clear communication. And I started to really internalize it and be like, “wait what's going on?”

They must know that I don't know what we're talking about, that I don't understand these things we're talking about. And I started to think about all of that and so until we had to do something like a preview of an argument we had to give, and I was stressed. I had an anxiety attack before.

I was, so stressed about it. And I was like, “how do I finish it?” Like, “they're going to know they're going to know.” And then I did my preview of my argument. I knew it was better than everybody's. My professor was like, “Oh, you did such a great job.”

You understood everything. And that, when I was like, “Oh, it's not me, it's them.” They're actually treating me differently because they're assuming things about my ability to perform just based on my race, based on my gender that have nothing to do with what I can actually do. And I had to really take a step back I'd be like, “you gotta boss up, you're in law school.”

You, this is your experience. Like “you can do this.” And I found that in spaces of higher education, especially elite educational spaces, people will question your intelligence and you have to know within yourself. Like, “no, they could question me, but that doesn't mean I have to question myself.”

Brenda: [00:04:56] I love that they can question me, but that doesn't mean I have to question myself. I love that. Thank you very much. Very powerful story. Thanks for sharing that reflection. Now, Queen Victoria. I mentioned earlier that one of the advantages that some folks have is they have this built-in network, or they could have sponsors at work that could speak up for them.

But many, many of us may not have access to that network. So what are some ways that as allies or as peers, we can support each other, and show up for each other?

Queen Victoria: [00:05:26] Well, I think that some of the ways that we can support each other or help each other in that process is, one being a mentor especially for others to make sure that others come along. And I do think that also is being able to talk about the fact that we experienced imposter syndrome. I think we don't share it often enough because it's sometimes construed as like you're being fake or that somehow you're admitting to having something wrong or the fake it till you make it mentality, then it's become pejorative. But the reality is for those, that, especially that are change-makers and creating things that have not existed before, you've had to fake it till you make it. And I think that we have to demystify that and also take away the negativity through which it's viewed.

But one major thing is definitely being a mentor to someone. I think that's not happening enough in our communities. And I really do mean carving out that time to be available.

Brenda: [00:06:25] Thank you. Thank you. Yes. And I want to add a little bit more about this idea of being a mentor very important. And if you have the means, you know, back that mentorship up with financial support, because that's kind of the network that many of us don't have access to.

And of course but at the same time, it's another challenge for us as People of Color to do that for others. Right. But, until the system has blown completely away, these are some ways that we can show up for each other. So I'm now to you Dra. Mera, what does it look like for a leader or a mentor to help others battle imposter syndrome?

What does it actually look like?

Linet: [00:07:04] Yeah, that's a really good question. Because of what Queen Victoria was saying that mentorship can be so critical. And there's really a lot of different things you can do to help, but I try to pick just three that, you know, people can actually keep, in their heads for later.

You know, if you're a manager, you can keep track of what each person on your team has been doing and accomplishing that, and then also encourage them and keep track of that encouragement too. And ask them to also keep track of it because that will help sort of bust through this idea of like, “well, I haven't really contributed that much.”

And for the manager themselves, you can use that information to make sure of that. Busy work like taking notes or unpaid work, like mentoring, or like training new hires, or things like that is actually being distributed unevenly because Latinas often and other women, women of color often get stuck with the office busywork. So the strategizing and, you know, things that are maybe not super central to the program, but are still important for it to move forward. And this also means that you have to make sure that high profile projects and giving recognition either publicly or privately is happening for every person on the team, not just the loudest person in the room.

If you're a mentor you want to be sure to point out to your mentees when they are expressing feelings of inadequacy. Not that they can't feel bad or they can't have bad times, but just really remind them of the successes that you have watched them make, or that they have shared with you.

Those accomplishments didn't happen because of magic. They happen because of real experience, real work. And that will sort of help them remind themselves that they're awesome. And for all leaders really, I mean, just go to the root of it, like tackle discrimination at your organization, whether it's at a university, a company, a nonprofit, and just really get to the root of why somebody like a volunteer or an employee would feel like an imposter, really advocate for that pay equity and pay transparency. See, the push for racial equity training, asked to make diversity equity and inclusion strategy plans just as important as winning grants or increasing revenue. And this goes for things like benefits too.

And even paid time off, make sure that it's actually inclusive of all women and all people with disabilities and you know, all the kinds of different folks that you actually want to retain in your field. So I think that's what I would really recommend.

Brenda: [00:09:26] Thank you. Thank you. That's thank you for all those recommendations now.

I want to pause and I want to encourage our attendees to please ask questions right now. We have time to pause a little bit for some questions and there's different ways you could do this. You could use the reactions there and Oh, I guess where are you at? Raise your hand. I do see it. You can select raise your hand and I will call on you and I can unmute you.

Or if you'd like, you can submit your questions in the chat. So we'll give you just a second to do that. And also if you'd like to maybe share your own reflection on imposter syndrome, that's also something that we have a little bit of time, to entertain right now. So we'll give you a minute to see what questions you have and while you're thinking of your question, okay.

See somebody Yvonne Romero. I'm going to call on you. So let's see. I'm going to ask you to on mute. Thank you, Yvonne.

Guest: [00:10:22] Hi. Thank you again for having this forum. It's really super insightful. And I had a question for everyone really. I'm wondering if in the instances where you've experienced this questioning of your intelligence or of your capabilities, if after, on the other side of that, whatever the outcome was if you ever felt validated by other people in your field, other white people in your field, pretty much, if they ever recognize that and acknowledged that and told you about it. And if they did how that made you feel, that's it.

Brenda: [00:11:03] Thank you. Excellent question. So who would like to respond first? Okay. Dra. Mera.

Linet: [00:11:11] I would like to respond to that. So that's a really good question. So my. So before being at diversity equity and inclusion, facilitator inclusion, facilitator I was a scientist, so I have a Ph.D. in molecular biology and biochemistry and I acknowledge, I am also white-passing.

I am the “rana platanera” ["plantain frog," read as “very white/pale”] of my family. Everybody else is darker skin we're melanated and, you know, has experienced a lot worse racism because of that. But while I was in graduate school. I had super imposter syndrome. Every single day, I was like, “Oh, these people are smarter than me. I didn't have parents that were professors. I don't know what I'm doing. Can I really do this? Am I just a diversity add to this group?” And I remember being super nervous about designing my science project, my thesis. And I spent so much time on it and I was really worried and you get to, we got to present it to each other as a class.

So we could give feedback to each other before we had to go and show it to our boss and, you know, have a little more, more stuff at stake. And I presented and afterward I was like, “Oh, is this really good enough?” And not at that moment, but I remember maybe six months later, almost a year later.

One of my friends who's white, she came up to me and she was like, “you know what? I remember that day when we were presenting our thesis ideas to each other and you were so far ahead of everybody else, I was super impressed.” And I had no idea cause I just kept on thinking that I totally hadn't cut it.

Brenda: [00:12:46] How did that make you feel?

Linet: [00:12:51] Oh, I mean, to be honest, at the time I was dealing with a lot of anxiety. And so I was like, “is that really true?” So I didn't really believe it very much. It's taken me, I think, many years to further integrate. As opposed to keeping on believing the inner critic and that imposter syndrome.

But at the time I felt, I felt really good about it. And I felt like, “Oh, I can actually give advice to others and, and help them.” And that sort of spurred me on to do more mentorship and do more work, to uplift other People of Color and women in science.

Brenda: [00:13:25] Great news. Anybody else have anything to add to that question? Let's go with Queen Victoria.

Queen Victoria: [00:13:33] I was just going to add that for me. I think I had the experience where I had a colleague that kept taking credit for ideas that came up. And finally, they got around to saying like, “you know, you have really good ideas.” I'm going like, “no shit, Sherlock. You've been lucky I hadn't snatched your wig in front of everybody else.”

We're having the conversation. I'm going to let you know that, it's not going to continue to go on. So I'm just putting on notice that you know, I've been keeping it cute, cause I don't want to come across as the angry Brown trans woman. Because I am from East LA, you might find out that that's what you're gonna, you're gonna catch me.

And I. What was really nervous that I thought at first that I might get fired, or something's going to go down. And I'm so glad I took the risk of standing up for myself because they got it being backed up and they also were able to come out the other end and acknowledged that they were taking my ideas. And that was really a shift for me.

Brenda: [00:14:39] Thank you, Lena.

Lena: [00:14:41] I just wanted to add so in the story that I told before, I actually, one of the ways that I validated what I was feeling is that I talked to one of my white classmates who was in, on the team with me and she was like, “yeah,” she was in my section.

So we had already a friendship. She was like, “yeah, I really, I wanna understand why that is.” And It's kind of weird, what's going on and that validated what I was seeing, but it also confirmed to me that imposter syndrome is just white supremacy on the interpersonal level and that white people know when they see it, they understand how it plays out and how it can affect people and make them question themselves.

And that It wasn't up to me to internalize this language of imposter syndrome. I had to understand that this is white supremacy playing out and that if I want to challenge white supremacy, that is what I have to do. And that white people also have a huge role in doing that. That's their work that they have to do, because I think that white people are aware of the way that they treat People of Color and Black people. And it's, we have to stand up for ourselves and draw those lines that Queen Victoria was saying, but white people also have to do their work.

Brenda: [00:15:51] Yeah, thank you. We're going to move on to another person that has a question we have Isabel, I'm going to ask you to unmute

Guest 2: [00:16:00] hi everyone. Thank you for providing this space and just for your time as well, I just had, so I work at a nonprofit where the work never stops. Right? You never achieve your goal. And so I guess right now, we're just in a really weird time of miscommunication and our goals aren't really clear because shit in the current administration is not going the way we all thought it was going to go. Right. And so my supervisor and I were both panicking and we're like, “what are we even doing?” Like, “what are we even doing here? Are we helping anyone?” Like, “are we useful?” And so we managed to be like, “you know what? Let's have a meeting with both of our supervisors,” who are also women of color. And so. We were like, “Hey, we feel like she was a director and I hold that title.”

And I don't feel like a director. And I was like, “I haven't felt this useless since my first job out of college”, you know, we're like, “what's happening?” Like, “is it us? Is it?” And so it was really disheartening because the only thing that they met us with was "we appreciate both of you for sharing your feelings." and that was that. There was no like, and you know, me being like super way under their titles. I'm like, “I don't think that if a person was ever like, ‘hi, I feel useless, Like I work for you,’” would be like, “well, thank you for your feelings. That's really great.” It was just really heartbreaking and infuriating and I was like, “what the?” And so I guess my question is just when you don't have that support from. People that even look like you, where do you find that? Where do you find the will to talk yourself out of the fact that you feel absolutely useless?

Brenda: [00:17:47] Yeah. No, thank you. Thank you, for sharing that. I think, especially in, I'm guessing the work that you do for a lot of the policies that are happening, it's very personal, right. And so many of us, we're very closely related to the work that we're in. And so first I want to just tell you that your feelings are valid and I could see how it could be very discouraging. Does anyone want to help address it? How do you, how do you handle when you're not feeling supported, even from folks that are close to your identity that you think would be supportive of you?

Estephanie: [00:18:20] I, I think, I feel like when it comes into those spaces, I gotta ask myself, like, “what am I doing in this space?” And the actual, like, “what do I need?” Like, “do I need to just collect my paycheck and go home? Or do I need to grow in this company? Do the people in my space want to see me grow?” I think once I started asking myself those questions, I was like, “okay, let me stick around until I figure out my other cares.”

Because I think it is very discouraging that they're like, “Oh, thank you for your feeling.” It's like, “no, there's obviously a system that we're creating here that I don't feel valuable. And like, that's not coming from me. I'm not here working for myself. Last time I checked you make a lot more money than I do.”

You know, there is a way of managing folks that can help folks not only do the job, do their job well, but also grow in their job and to get more skills and, you know, really build your resume in a way. But if they're just kind of being really cut and dry, it's kind of like, “what do I need from these folks?”

If there's a paycheck, I'm gonna get my paycheck. Well, moving forward. I know where I need to pivot. I think sometimes, especially in nonprofit spaces, I used to work for a nonprofit. You guys don't connect it to the work, you know, you're I know that I'm supporting, I'm doing all this work and I know I'm doing this, but sometimes it's like, people just exploiting you and they're like, Oh, thank you for giving.

Like, “wow, you couldn't take a second.” I get to be like, “you are bad.” Like “you couldn't just, you couldn't, you couldn't just not entertain me for that good five minutes.” Like it was just, “Oh, thank you for your feelings.” It's very lackluster. And so it sucks as that's happening, and sometimes I just have to reevaluate my space and like, “okay.”

Do I want to see, do they want to see me grow? I don't think so. And I have to just pivot in ways that, you know, obviously feel safe, because it's a pandemic. And I understand that too, but yeah.

Brenda: [00:20:06] Thank you. Let's see, we have one more question from Velasquez. Okay. See, did it work?

Guest 3: [00:20:15] Yes. Well, I'm, I'm gonna speak as a man. So I love, I love my wife. I love my wife, but I don't know. I don't know how to explain to her, or I don't know how to say, to, to make, to make her feel empowered. So, yeah, because sometimes I, I don't, I don't know how to explain that, but I really want to make her feel that she has the power she has. She has power. I don't know. What, what do you recommend to do? What, what do you want, what do you recommend to say to her?

Brenda: [00:20:59] Thank you. Thank you for asking that. And I'm hopeful that some of the information we shared today and just being more informed and learning about all the social forces that contribute to women, feeling like they're not empowered, might be a helpful first step, right? Just realizing that it's not just in her head, if she doesn't feel empowered, there are so many real barriers. That contributes to that feeling. And that, in a way, is very empowering. That is what the kind of a goal of today in many ways is that we want to, we want to tell you, it's not just in your head if you feel insecure, it's not just in your head. If you don't feel supported. You, that you literally are not supported in many ways. And so I think the first thing you could do is validate that she's not feeling empowered, if there's many reasons why, because there's so much work to do, but, and, and that could be a good first step. So does anyone have any other Thoughts around that, on how, if we have a woman in our lives, if we want to support her, make her feel more empowered? What are, some suggestions?

Lena: [00:22:04] I guess I would say it. It's a hard line to straddle, I think because I'm sure you want the best for your partner and for her to, you know, to know how amazing she is and all of the power and intelligence that she holds. But I think about the people in my life that I always want, that I want to empower, and I want them to know how great you are. And I'm like, “why don't you know that you are kicking ass? You're doing this thing. It's a personal journey. And all we can do is show up for people and support them. And affirm them and also let them know that when they are having a tough time, but you can overcome this because you've overcome these other things. You've done this, this, and this. I've seen you. I know that and be really the support that they need and let them tell us how they want us to show up for them, I think is most important.

Brenda: [00:22:56] Thank you for a really good tip. Let's see, what other questions, if you want to put one in the chat we'll probably have time to take a couple more questions. So. Don't be shy. What other questions do you have? I'll give you about another 30 seconds to see if you've got something that you want to ask. And since I'm not seeing any more questions, I do want to go back to the original question or last question. You know, maybe the feelings of validation that we might get one out when a white person validates our words.

I'm hopeful that as we continue to uncover a lot of the advantages that are unearned, we might hopefully move away from meeting needing that validation. Right. We don't need their validation. And so that's, that's just one more thing that I want to add to that. Okay. Well maybe we'll have a couple more questions, but while we wait, do we see, I do see a hand. Okay. Let me, let me get this person here whose hand is raised. Okay. Elizabeth.

Guest 4: [00:24:00] I just wanted to add on about validation. I'm a first-year English as a second language teacher at an elementary school during this crazy year. So we've just recently started virtual and we've just recently gotten in with concurrent teaching and I feel like that's one thing that I've been kind of trying to, I guess, kind of get from my fellow colleagues, get validation from them. And slowly but surely, I'm realizing that maybe I don't really need their validation because I know that I’m beginning to be more confident in my capabilities a little bit, even though I may not get validation from them and I kind of have a connection with them and a little bit, except I'm the one who was putting myself down and thinking that I'm not capable. And I have my boyfriend who always is being really supportive and saying that I am very much capable. I can do this. But it's so hard to just really believe that within yourself. And considering that, I think for me, I work at a school where A huge percentage of our student population is Hispanic and low-income families, it's kind of hard to work within an environment where the majority of the teachers are white. Basically. I think I'm one of the very few, I think there may be a couple other teachers who are Hispanic. And it's just kind of, I think that right there, it was a little intimidating for me. But I, I think I'm beginning to be more comfortable in saying that yes, like, “I am supposed to be here.” Like, “this is where I need to be.” Okay. Thank you.

Brenda: [00:25:48] Thank you so much for sharing and wow. What a hard year to start as a teacher. So thank you for the work that you do. Do you folks have thoughts about this question? Like again, you're new in your career and, and so you, you have a lot of extra self-doubt, perhaps. Any thoughts on that?

Estephanie: [00:26:06] I was going to say, you're already doing the work you're already calling it. You're ready. You're ready. You know How you're feeling. And I think when it comes to doing something new, you got there, right? Like before, before you got to that position, you were doing a whole bunch of other things to get there. And even if you don't do things the way things are supposed to be, you're still doing something.

And sometimes that's something that could be very unique to whatever that space needs. So you already got it. The thing is, you may, you may not even know, but those teachers might be looking at you like, “yo, but what's going on? Oh, but the class was popping in there.” But without you even knowing, because like all you're mostly, and I think I always have these conversations.

You're most likely probably doing 110% and not even knowing it just because they're capable of doing all these great things and I totally get spaces and trying to create spaces for. Cause you're, you know, at work, you're supposed to feel good feelings between your coworkers.

We're all respecting each other's work and you'll find. And you'll find people in that space that you're able to have good conversations with. I feel like when I have conversations with folks, the way I got raises in my job is cause I was talking to my coworkers. They was like, “yo, you know I'm getting this much.” I was like, “Oh, hold up what, what you said?” And they was like, “Oh, they said this.” So that, that community was quick. I was like, “I heard that so-and-so was out here making this much.” And so, you know, I don't say that, but you know, that, that community, like, “yo, get your coins, get your coins.” And so when you start having that space and feeling comfortable, because obviously not everybody, you know, is, you know, part of could be part of that community, but when you do, you know, you start to be like, “Oh, wow.”

Like, “okay, I get it. I see it.” But yeah, you're a hundred percent already doing that work and that's real.

Brenda: [00:27:54] Yeah. And I want to add to what Stephanie said because maybe that maybe it's not needing validation, but it is a good idea to build your community of co-workers. Right. You do need your champions. You do need folks that could check. Like, “did I screw that up? Was that in my head?” And they could say, “no, not at all.” Or like, “yes, and here's how you know,” it's good to have a sounding board. It is helpful to have people help you along the way. Yes. Queen Victoria. What did you want to add to that?

Queen Victoria: [00:28:21] I just wanted to add being aware and recognizing when you're feeling fraudulent is gonna be one thing that I think is important to recognize, right? To know like, “Oh, okay, It's coming up for me. This is imposter syndrome coming up for me.” Leaving behind perfectionism. I think a lot of us have been told that you have to be better. I remember the movie, Selena. She talks a little bit about that kind of, sometimes you've got to que te valga madre [just don’t give a f*ck], you just gotta, gotta do it for you cause that's what you need for yourself. And I think it's, it's a hard place to get there and I think collectively too, As a Latina trans woman who went from working within the nonprofit industrial complex. Cause that's what it has become. And the service industry, not that it's bad, but also I feel like collectively as communities. We have been made to feel that we can't own and run businesses. And that is a lie, right. Sticking to the facts that we can is one of the things that is important for us to keep hold of.

Brenda: [00:29:27] Love it, sticking to the facts, watch out for the stories you tell yourself and stick to the facts. Okay. I'm going to call on Juliet.

Guest 5: [00:29:41] Okay. I wanted to also speak to what Elizabeth was talking about and also Vaughn for his wife to feel more confident Especially in a situation. Yeah. Like where you feel outnumbered or you're the only one or one of the few minorities there or Latinas or, you know, People of Color in a white room. I think. It's important to remember, part of the self-talk you're you're you were saying, Brenda, is that we have to remember that we're bringing a lot to the table because they're all homogeneous. They're all of one background and they have no difference in their experience and where what we're bringing is, in some environments and capacities were kind of seen like a unicorn, like, “Oh, that's a person of color. What do you think? You know”? So in a way, sometimes that can be unfair pressure to represent, but say you're in a scenario where that's not happening though. And you, coming into a situation where you don't know if your voice is valued or if your presence is valued.

And I think it's important to remember that. Yeah, you're bringing a lot to the table. Remember all those. Other things you've done in your life and you've accomplished and help, people to bring you right there to that moment. That's a lot. And they don't know that they're not necessarily looking at your resume.

They don't know all about what you learned and what you chose to study and, and what skills you chose to pick up, and who you, you know, have a passion to serve. But, you know, I think it's, it's that's important too, to remember in that space, that what we're bringing to the table, we're bringing a lot and, and not to shrink because I, I do that too.

I'm kinda like, “Whoa, nobody, nobody here is like me. And nobody's gonna, nobody understands really all the stuff that I've been through.” That is going on in my head right now that brought me here. They have no idea, but I have to remember that positive stuff too. What brought me here and a lot, you know, has brought us here and, you know try to try to stay firm in, in that, you know,

Brenda: [00:32:21] Yeah, I love that. Thank you so much. Very good reminder that we bring a lot of value. I'm going to have one more question from Mani. I'm going to ask each one mute and then we'll start to wrap it up. Hello. Hello? Okay.

Guest 6: [00:32:36] So my question was just we've been talking about imposter syndrome. At work and in professional environments, but I feel as if I've also experienced imposter syndrome in my personal life and my personal roles of like being a queer person or like being a daughter, like a good enough daughter, what it means to be a daughter. And if the panel could speak to maybe how you're overcoming those feelings and personal life roles, as well,

Brenda: [00:33:07] yes, let's go with Queen.

Queen Victoria: [00:33:08] Yeah, I'm just like, “yeah.” To all of them. I haven't even when a guy comes up to me and he’s trying to spit game or whatever. My biggest fear is, is my life going to be in danger because they're going to clock me and find out that I'm a trans woman.

Because of the depth of the bass in my voice. Right. I have it when I go to the bathroom and I'm like, “are people going to find out that I am, that I'm a trans person because my pee sounds different hitting the water?” Little minuscule, stuff like that have really impacted my life and being aware of the fact that.

That also just in, in, in my family life, for example, as a Latina and a matriarch in my family, I wonder, like, “am I good enough to carry the mantle of being the matriarch of my family?” Cause recently my, my father, my mother passed away and now my father and then I had the tribe within my family and the tribe within my community, my family that were there to remind me the power that it took to be who I am and how I created and forged for myself, the space that I have, right.

Including not having access to education in the sense of a degree. But I have created a path for myself. And become an expert in my field through teaching myself through and having and taking up space. And I think the takeaway is acknowledging that those feelings are there. And how, and moving past them and knowing that you deserve and are worthy, and are worthy of the support, are worthy of investment. Because the biggest thing that would always bring it out is either in my family being celebrated as, as the matriarch or. At my job when I got a promotion and I felt like, “you know, did I really deserve this? You know, is it, am I going to be able to hold that, hold it down? Am I going to come through to the other end?” But the thing is how I'm a chingona [reclaimed slur], I've always been, that's who I am and who I will always be. And I think that's the story that we have to reclaim and retake is that. We've gotten to the place we are. Cause we have, we are worthy and we've gained the skills to be there and to even claim more and manifest more is within our reach.

Brenda: [00:35:24] I love it. Thank you. Thank you so much. With the little time that we have left, I'm going to just do a quick round robin to just share, you know, your one, rapid-fire your one, one nugget of what you would recommend to someone that is experiencing imposter syndrome.

And I think I'll, I'll start with Lena.

Lena: [00:35:40] I would say, remind yourself, you are where you are because you worked and you deserve to be there. Nobody is giving you these gifts and being like, “Oh, I feel bad for so-and-so.” I'm going to do this. Like, “no, you deserve to be where you are. Cause you worked for it.”

Brenda: [00:35:57] Love it. Thank you. Let's go with Stephanie.

Estephanie: [00:36:01] I'm just going to say that just because you may not feel confident or maybe you may not feel worthy, does not mean that you are not worthy. You are a hundred percent who you are. And you're a hundred percent worthy of all of the things, regardless of things that we tell ourselves, you know, having confidence isn't not having confidence should not allow you not to get the things you deserve. Okay. ,

Brenda: [00:36:25] Love it. You're worthy, no matter what you're worthy, no matter what, remind yourself of that. How about you, Dra. Mera?

Linet: [00:36:31] I would say, you know, track your successes to shake up that inner critic and the outer critic and recruit that buddy, or ally, or friend to help advocate for you in the workplace. If you're always getting interrupted or somebody will always steal your idea. Have that person be like, “Oh yeah. Victoria just said that. So what great thing you amplified her.”

Brenda: [00:36:51] Yes. Okay. How about you, Queen?

Queen Victoria: [00:36:56] Well, you know, I have the not so PG one, which is que te valga madre, you know, separate feelings from fact, I think that's what gets us caught up at times.

Brenda: [00:37:08] I love it. And the one I want to leave you with, I mean, I think everything there's been so many powerful things. The one little nugget that I want to give a little tip is, of course, we're all going to feel self-doubt, and many times that creeps into our language and it comes up. And when we say things like, “well, I don't know,” or “I'm just checking in” or “I'm just doing it,” think about rereading your emails and looking at where the "justs" are, to remove where the "I don't knows" are, and own your voice, even when you have a lot of fear and doubt. So that's what I want to leave you with.

And I just want to say thank you so very much for joining us. This is phenomenal. We loved speaking to all of you. We did email you a link of a resource, and I think maybe we'll, we'll put it in the chat as well, but hopefully, you all got that PDF that you can download. We've got some resources for you.

I want to recommend that you please listen to the Bag Ladiez podcast that you listen to the UBP podcasts that you find out about flux. And thank you again. Thank you to our sponsors, CIELO I love that you supported us. Thank you to Bloomerang. Donor support. So thank you, everybody. Muchísimas gracias y hasta luego, and thank you to LC for the ASL interpretation. Thank you so much, bye-bye.

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Unconscious Bias Project

“Be a Better Imposter”

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“Be a Better Imposter”

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Breaking Bread & Bias

Episode 14 – Omega and Z - Sit, Think, and Have a Drink

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